He fills our empty spaces.

It’s like any other Monday. Nap time approaches, I snuggle with my boy and I take him to his room to lay him softly in his crib so he can drift off to sleep. Except, like bedtime and nap time the day before…he is refusing to sleep.

I don’t know about other mamas but nap time is everything for this mama. It gives me much needed time to breathe, to work, to drink a hot cup of coffee, to focus, to recharge, to just simply be by myself.

We are 45 minutes into our nap battle, both of us in absolute tears, I am at a loss. I need this nap, he needs this nap. I am praying to God, please…give me the patience, give me grace to not be frustrated, Lord help me through this…

Insert my need to control….when my son refuses sleep and is screaming at the top of his lungs, not only does my heart break, but everything else seems to break too…I can’t concentrate on anything, the noise of my frustration drowns out all of God’s words of wisdom, it speaks volumes as I pray over and over for peace…and yet I am so closed off to what He is trying to teach me…

Here I am relying on my own strength, my own understanding, when my Lord and Savior, my healer, my redeemer is calling me, begging me to just be quiet…to be still, to allow His voice to break through….to allow Him to fight my battles with me, to trust that He is working on my heart. I have made it through every day, every sleepless night, every hard day, here I am, still breathing…why would he leave me now?

In this stage of my life I am realizing now more than ever that I cannot rely on my own understanding, my own strength; that I must release my need to control…

An hour and 15 minutes into the nap strike, my son cries himself to sleep and my heart feels shattered. He is sleeping and I am now sitting, with my work in my lap, hot coffee in my hand and yet…I feel so alone, so broken.

It is the lonely places I find I need Him most.

I sat, teary eyed pouring my heart out to Him for being so frustrated, so angry, so upset in those moments…over what I could not control…I prayed for peace, yet again, I prayed for calming, for grace for bedtime…but this time, I found that I truly prayed with intention.

A few moments later I receive a text message from a beautiful mama, sending me love and hugs and a $10 Starbucks gift card to help turn my day around…God knows what we need and when we need it…

That was His grace, continuing to bless me…even when we I didn’t deserve it. He places special people in our lives to build us up, to fill those lonely spaces, to show us love and mercy, just as he shows us, every. single. day.

Here we are at bedtime, same episode, two VERY different outcomes. Before we even entered his room I sat, holding my sweet boy, praying aloud to God for patience, to interrupt whatever plans that I had, to force me to release control, to give it to Him, to TRUST Him.

I set a couple of timers and went in a few short times, I put on worship music in-between my little visits. I counted my blessings over and over. I thanked God for my sweet angel boy that fills my life with so much joy. For showing me grace, for never leaving me, for always being there to fill my lonely spaces…for interrupting whatever plans I may have had to show me His plans are far greater, to teach me a lesson I didn’t even know I needed.

Before I knew it, he was asleep. And my heart felt whole again. Now I was {alone} but far from lonely….

He fills our empty spaces. He calls for us when we feel alone because he desperately wants to be the one to fill them. He wants us to trust him, to give him our worries, our doubts, our fears. He accepts us and loves us unconditionally for exactly who we are.

He put it on my heart to {share} to let you know you are not alone. Sometimes we just have to be still…and let Him speak through the silence.

Until Next time on Kelsey’s Chronicles.

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