My (Ir)rational Fear.

I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant I was truly terrified and not for the reason you would think. I wasn’t afraid of becoming a mother or bringing a life into this world. That was something I have always dreamt of. Life as I knew it changed forever in that very moment and that in itself, terrified me.

I was scared of change and what that would mean for my new marriage. This guy is my soulmate. My heart has loved him since I was 15 years old. He’s everything I could hope for in a partner and so much more. Before I got pregnant, we spent all of our time together, literally. We wouldn’t have had it any other way. Selfishly, I was scared and sad to lose that. I was worried it would change us. You hear so many stories and statistics of marriages failing because of children and the stress that comes along with being a parent. And though I knew in my heart, that wouldn’t be us…but I was still scared.

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Fast forward to now. We have been parents for 6 whole months, though it feels like just yesterday we brought our little guy home from the hospital. I would be lying if I said it has been an easy 6 months for our marriage. In fact, it’s been really hard. There’s no manual, no rule book. Life has never been crazier or more busy…but I can say with confidence that I love and appreciate him more now, than I ever have. We are learning and growing together in ways I never truly envisioned. He makes me a better mom and person and that is something I cherish.

It takes EFFORT. You have to show up, and really be present. You have to LISTEN. Take the extra time to talk about your day together, say ‘good morning’ and ‘goodnight’ and be fully present in those moments. When life is overwhelming, you are exhausted beyond measure and you only have a few minutes to yourself while the baby sleeps..spend it together, even if you say nothing at all. Just being together makes a world of a difference.

It takes a lot of PATIENCE. That is something I wasn’t born with, but I am learning along this journey. When nothing is going right, you haven’t showered in days, let alone slept, there is a pile of laundry and the house is a mess…dig deep, find patience and grace for yourself and for your partner. Handling a screaming baby while discussing finances or who’s turn it is to take the trash out is enough to make you want to pull your hair out. Take a deep breath. Actually take about 5, realize you are in this thing together, you are both experiencing this brand new journey, side-by-side and take it one day at a time.

It takes FORGIVENESS. Forgive your partner for when they fall short, because sometimes they will. Forgive each other for having an attitude or for leaving dirty dishes in the sink. Find it in your heart to look past trying times and imperfections, after all, perfect doesn’t exist.

None of these things are easy, if they were I’m sure the divorce and separation rate would be much lower, but for us, they are nonnegotiable. Of course, there are times where we both fall short or waver in our efforts, but one thing remains constant, we keep showing up. Every day. For each other and for our littlest love.

I can honestly say, I am not afraid anymore.

Having a baby did change us, in fact, it changed everything.

Life is different. We are different.

But sometimes, change is something you never knew you needed and different CAN mean better.

I am so thankful and blessed God chose this guy to be my partner in life. I promise, as I did in my vows, to put Him and our love at the center of our marriage.

Forever & Always.

Until Next Time on Kelsey’s Chronicles

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