My biggest life lesson.

Everyone loves to warn you of what life with a newborn will be like. “You better enjoy your sleep now because soon you won’t get any, the laundry never ends, you won’t get any alone time anymore, you’ll be lucky to shower in those first few weeks, the days just become a blur, you’re going to become a milk machine,etc etc etc.

Though I am thankful for all the for-warning messages and advice…I have experienced and learned lessons far beyond the above.

You know what they didn’t warn me of: how unbelievably head over heals, madly in love with my son I would be, so much so that even though I’m too exhausted to function or care for myself, I will lie awake admiring my son while he peacefully sleeps.

They didn’t tell me that I wouldn’t even mind being covered in poop, pee and spit up because all I want to do is make sure my sweet boy is clean, comfortable and healthy.

I was warned I wouldn’t be getting out of pajamas or showering everyday and everyone was right. For the first month I wasn’t getting out of bed until 11 everyday. I didn’t shower for the first week of my baby’s life and presentable hair, makeup and wardrobe was a distant memory for me. But what they didn’t tell me was that my milk, spit up, poop and pee covered clothes reminded me that my baby is well taken care of, that the selfish feeling of putting myself first, faded completely in the background and that the least of my worries would be smelling fresh and looking good.

I wasn’t prepared for not feeling like “me,” that’s something they didn’t warn me of…that everything that was me, would change. I’m not who I was, and yet I’m so in love with who I am. I have evolved into someone I have always dreamt I would be. I’ve never appreciated my mind, body and spirit more than I do today.

I was afraid of what they said about not having anymore alone time or special moments with my husband just him and I. To be honest, it terrified me. It was my biggest fear actually when I read “positive” on that pregnancy test.

What I now realize is that I don’t want to be even a room away from my son because I would miss him too much. That just his presence would allow me to feel whole. That he is the piece of me I never knew I so desperately needed. I have fallen even harder in love for my best friend and my husband (something I didn’t even think was possible). We have grown closer in a way that has allowed us to truly grow as parents and as husband and wife. This human we created has brought us a whole new meaning to living; for God, eachother and for our son.

I was warned that breastfeeding would become an exhausting full time job, that I would feel like a real life milk machine…and boy were they right. Instead of sleeping, I’m up feeding my baby. While he naps, I’m pumping. My diet has changed to accommodate his digestion. My showers are spent massaging and releasing engorgement. It’s a job. The most beautiful and rewarding job that I have ever had. I cherish these precious moments I get to spend with my son just him and I. I’m overwhelmed with joy that my body is feeding, nourishing and keeping my baby alive and healthy. When his soft little hand releases from a clenched fist and rests softly on my chest letting me know he is full and satisfied, my heart melts. When he’s fussy and nursing settles him, the exhaustion is all worth it. When he’s not hungry, but just wants to feel my warmth and heartbeat, no amount of laundry could stand in the way with that time spent catering to my baby. I love cheese, spicy food and ice cream, but my babies stomach doesn’t, so that means I don’t have it. Ive learned to make sacrifices in many areas of my life, and this is one I’ve fallen so in love with.

“The days will become a blur.” I may not know what day or time it is, but I can confidently say this is the most {CLEAR} my life has ever been. My purpose is so defined and my world is so full of color because of this sweet angel baby.

I’ve asked God to show me signs of what my purpose is in this life, time and time again. Ive prayed to truly feel that “a ha!” moment where I feel my calling has come to fruition. February 26th, 2019 at 8:29 pm I became a mother and my prayers were answered. Ryker Matthew Hankins you are my life’s purpose, you are my sun, my moon and all of my stars and I will spend the rest of my life loving, guiding and protecting you; making you so proud to call me your Mama.

They warned me that having a baby would change my life, and they were right.

Until Next Time On Kelsey’s Chronicles