My heart sank. Let’s be honest so did my stomach.
I didn’t have one of those reactions you see in YouTube videos or movies of the girl yelling and crying with happiness…and I felt really guilty for it.
Don’t get me wrong, I was over the moon for this little babe, but it took me some time to adjust.
In just one moment, my life as I knew it changed forever.
I was now going to be a mom. In charge of another life besides my own, putting this tiny human first, before all else.
I’ve always wanted to be a mom, eventually…but the moment I laid eyes on my pride and joy, my beautiful niece, I knew that’s what I was missing in my life. I’ve never felt such an instant, pure and genuine love like that before…and she wasn’t even my own.
Watching her grow over the past 2 years and seeing my sister be her mom has both motivated and inspired me so much; to be the best mother I can be, to soak up every precious moment, to be selfless and to fall deeper in love, every single day.
My husbands reaction was one in the same..shock! We hadn’t even really been “trying.” But let’s be honest, if you’re not preventing, you’re not, NOT trying.
We just couldn’t believe it. It was all so new. Newly married, in the market to buy a house, unsure of where life was taking us career wise…and here we were staring back at this positive pregnancy test.
That being said, our thoughts pretty quickly transformed into excitement; preparation and trying our hardest to keep our mouths shut about our biggest secret ever (ok this was mostly me).
With the excitement came the highly anticipated body changes…I have always struggled with body image issues, for as long as I can remember I don’t think I every truly saw my reflection for what it was in the mirror. Nothing had been good enough in the past and certainly the gradual body changes didn’t help that.
It took some getting used to, but once I finally reflected on what was REALLY happening inside me, my perspective shifted.
My body was changing, my boobs grew almost instantly, the scale started to go up, my clothes got tighter with each day that passed, I was no longer the same Kelsey, but I started to really like this new me.
I cannot put into words the gratitude I have for my ever changing body. Its’ ability to adapt to all of these crazy changes, to house this perfect, healthy little human, to flourish into a whole new me!
I didn’t know who I would be without the thought of a strict diet regime, hours in the gym with high intensity workouts, the constant desire to transform…
I feel more healed now than ever, more alive. I am not the same me, I am better, I am proud when I look in the mirror. I have such a new found appreciation for what it means to truly be ME.
This has been such a wild journey, with so many changes and life lessons, but it has by far been my most favorite.
With only one trimester left, I am truly soaking it all in, the last few months with just my husband and I, a full nights rest, belly kicks, crazy cravings, alone time, and life before motherhood. Before we know it, I’ll blink and my sweet boy will be here.
Life is beautiful. I am blessed beyond measure and so thankful God has allowed me to experience this miracle.
I am eager to share this journey and my pregnancy experience with all of you!
Until Next Time On Kelsey’s Chronicles.